from my YouTube Channel

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Not So Loosely Based

created February 11, 2010

(Read Revelations to get some background for this one.)

Me: Unbelievable!

I see a strange beast with a woman riding it.

Me: Nicole!

Nicole: Ben!

Me: You really screwed up!

Nicole: What was I thinking?

Me: How should I know?  This is too bizarre.  You are a cat riding a cat-beast with many heads.

Nicole: Heads!  LOL

Me: This isn't funny anymore.  You are the Babylonian prostitute!

Nicole: Baby, please.  I'll be fine, I'm not one of these ho's.

Me: First of all, when I went to those shows it sure looked like you were one of those ho's.  But then you screwed the whole thing up.  You took advantage of too many people in your greedy way of consuming everything in your path.  You're the world's biggest ho.

Nicole: I can't believe you just said that!

Me: What's not to believe?  By the way, what's in that cup of yours?

Nicole: Well...

Me: Something having to do with fornications, I bet.

Nicole: I can't believe you just said that!

Me: People are dying because of you.  Have you no shame?

Nicole: I am no widow.

Me: Sugar Daddy doesn't count.  I get it.  You never married that dyslexic Canadian VJ, even though your publicist said you did.  The others you consume have been other women's husbands.  Even the rumors surrounding you are incredibly scandalous.  Even now your publicist is trying to make it sound like you dumped Lewis Hamilton and your fierce ambition is a good thing.  It really was the other way around, right?

Nicole: I can't believe you just said that!

Me: Nicole!  Your lies are so transparent.  You have been given so many riches you do not deserve and you have a lot of difficulty sharing.  You only share gossip and lies.  So what went wrong with Lewis?  Did you tell him the same things you told me?  You need a blowjob?  I want a prenup?  I want a consort?

Nicole: That's none of your business.

Me: The only thing you have been good for is exposing a lot of wickedness to all who are paying attention.  However, you cannot divorce yourself from all their sins.  How can you blame others when you are so intimately involved with them?  You wanted to destroy me and Victoria.  How can you even look at yourself in the mirror?

Nicole: Ben, can you save me?

Ben: From what?  Yourself?

Nicole: I can sing.  People think I'm hot.

Me: All that is meaningless.  Is your favorite activity good for your voice?

Nicole: I wanna be Ms. Reaper.

Me: You have never been my wife.  You are more accurately the Kiss of Death.

Nicole: I can't believe you just said that.

Me: Go sit on a mountain already.

Nicole: I'm Ms. Coyote.

Me: Who let the dogs out?  There is only one Coyote, and I will consume you sooner or later.

Nicole: Eat me!

Me: You make it sound like a good thing.  Only a twisted, evil wench like you can equivocate like that.  Good things are good things.  Bad things are bad things.  Can we at least keep that straight?  I rejected the Queen of Blowjobs concept when you were in high school.  Why did you go ahead with that anyway?

Nicole: Okay, Ben okay!

Me: NO, IT'S NOT OKAY!  The whole world has hung in the balance while people keep twisting words around and ignoring obvious miracles and trying to kill me.  Time is running out.  I am flabbergasted you would even attempt to steal my Notorious moniker.  Infamous and famous are not the same thing.

Nicole: There is no such thing as bad publicity.

Me: (SMH)  Time to take the wheel.

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