Field Report from You Know Who

I am posting this publicly in the hope that some of my superiors or handlers will contact me and help me with our mission.  As of now, my funding has been cut off and without an adequate budget I am finding it very difficult to reach my objective.

I sense I might be close to finding the secret Haliburton "undisclosed location."  Dick Cheney apparently knows where I am and his people have been eavesdropping on my conversations.  I have encountered a few of the "strange eyes and teeth people" and they have indicated they are willing to help.  I have explained to them the importance of finding "Head in a Jar" and what must be done when we do.

For those who are not familiar with the term, I should explain what "Head in a Jar" is.  According to all the information I was provided, CIA director William Casey did not die during the investigation of the Iran-Contra affair.  Director Casey's death was fabricated and he continued to direct overt and covert operations for at least a decade.  Once his body started to fail, for a myriad of health reasons, his head was severed from his body and placed in a liquid-filled jar.  The liquid is comprised of 87% amniotic fluid, 12% formaldehyde, and 1% mixture of the medium that contains the nanites that maintain and aid the operational capability of HIAJ.  The amniotic fluid may or may not have been retrieved from the pregnant women in Mormon spin-off cults that are genetically similar to Director Casey.

HIAJ has a large number of tubes and wires connected to it.  It might also have enhanced wireless capability by this time, but that has not been confirmed.  If so, then much of the wiring will have been removed.  This all-knowing and all-seeing combination of sinister biological and artificial intelligence has unlimited access to all electronic communication media.  It can, for example, direct troop movements, complete requisition forms, conduct wire transfers, doctor satellite photos, and countless other tasks.  

Reading between the lines in various public entertainment periodicals I have determined the rich families that think they run this world are attempting to launch HIAJ into orbit.  This could mean they have found a way to add a renewable power source, figured out a way to recycle the HIAJ fluid, and solved the bandwidth issues.  This is a devastating development.  If a fully self-realized and sentient HIAJ achieves stable orbit then the whole galaxy will go "fucking Star Wars."

I plan on doing everything in my power to prevent this.  The future of all life in the Milky Way depends on it.