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Thursday, September 30, 2010

The story that still excites...

In 1983, while I was still an undergraduate at the University of California, I was driving my car back to Berkeley.  There is an exit to Coalinga off Interstate 5 and normally there were about a million head of cattle to the right side of the freeway.  On this particular drive, I noticed a large number of cattle walking together up the hill on the left side of the freeway.  I did not see any people directing the cattle; they seemed to be going somewhere on their own.

As I drove past at 65 mph I realized there were about 50 to 60 cattle walking together.  Ahead of them was a group of four cattle, walking shoulder to shoulder.  The cattle on the outside of this formation were looking at each other.  One of the inner two had its head up, looking ahead, as if to say "We are falling behind."  The other inner member of this formation had its head down, as if to say "I am going as fast as I can."

A bit further, and now quite a bit uphill from the rest were two bulls in lockstep.  They were practically identical in height and weight.  It appeared they were yoked together, and yet there was no yoke.  Each forward foot and rearward foot moved together.  To me, it seemed that they moved as one without any material connection between them.

Ahead of them was something I had never seen before.  There was a cow, an afterbirth was hanging from her rear, and she was practically prancing uphill, with her head high.  This cow was clearly ecstatic and I was amazed at how light on her feet she was considering she was faster than all the others, was furthest uphill, and had just given birth.

I witnessed this as I looked out my windows and confirmed all of it in my rear and side-view mirrors.  I could not wait to get back to my fraternity house and tell all my brothers this story.  When I got back, I ran into the house without unpacking the car and told anyone who would listen the story.  At some point they started to ask me, "What about the calf?  Did you see that?"  I replied that I had not, the calf was hidden from my view.  They asked me, "There must have been something about this creature.  What do you think it was?"  I replied it must have been a perfect two-header: two complete heads, two sets of eyes, nose, mouth, ears, and joined at the base of the neck.

A check of the newspapers the next day confirmed that.  The calf that was born was exactly as I had described.

A YouTube Report

This blog is about something I have noticed about viewership on my YouTube channel.

The last year has seen an increase in my viewers. I attribute that primarily to the larger number of videos available. This is what is normally expected: more content translates to more exposure, more videos refer back, higher chance of being found in searches, more opportunities to bring people to the channel. Even though two videos, which happen to feature visually stimulating female subjects, have garnered the largest audiences, overall viewership is higher.

Recently, I have attempted to draw more viewers through different means of promotion. I am not sure if that or some of the more recent uploaded videos have been the cause but viewers has increased by about twenty percent.

I have also noticed the demographics of the recent audience is different. For a long time the demographic has been closely reflective of myself. No, I don't spend a lot of time "trolling" my own videos. I do make sure they run properly, on some different devices at various locations. That usually translates to about three views a video. The demographics have been overwhelmingly male, at about 75%, and mostly in the 44-54 age range. It has looked like I was the only one watching.

The last two weeks my channel's recorded demographic has changed. More viewers outside my demographic, particularly 65 and older and in the age group just younger than mine. Slight increases in the age groups even younger have been recorded. I am even more gratified to report the female audience has come to my channel. The last two weeks, 40% of my audience is female which is dramatically higher than before.

Even though I want to find a wider audience for my material I am encouraged that the demographics have shown viewership is now more reflective of the world as a whole. Perhaps this the start of something big.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

This should concern you

Someone sent me a video the other day on this subject. Anyone who thinks the "Big Brother" conception is just fiction needs to open their eyes and realize he is getting more powerful all the time.


Download the app: #'>FOX News: Will 'Censorship' BillChange the Internet?
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Monday, September 27, 2010

India:Still A Mystery

Was posted March 26, 2008


Is it possible India is as stupid as it is powerful?

That the one nation that should have treated me as its Lord

Many years ago

Never thought to invite me to visit?

Is it because the alien ship passage was removed from the Book of Daniel?

And you want aliens to come back?

You ALL should know who

BEN YA MIN HOW ARD!

is by now.

Why did it not cross your minds to take up a collection

And invite me to see your land?

I would have accepted this gift gladly.

I AM GOD for ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES TO YOU!

I am supposed to pay for this passage? A man who has been treated as less than when he should have been treated as MUCH MORE than for at least 10 years?

EXPLAIN!

You want me to save the world for you? Do all of you still think of me as a cartoon, movie, or doll for kids to play with? Is this a joke?

What do I get for it? Gestures of solidarity? Arguing amongst yourselves? Trying so very hard to place a woman as my equal or superior? Waiting until I am too old or there is too much to go over so that I really do not care anymore?

Are there more gods and goddesses that the devotees are awaiting still?

EXPLAIN!

Is making me wait longer your way of trying to wear me down?

You think wealth will make me arrogant? It is this life where I have been forced to suffer for the likes of you that makes me arrogant! I had to have everyone’s interest at heart to make this work. Never to play favorites!

Who’s idea was it to provide some girls with rewards that belonged to me that they might buy me?

Is that your way of playing hardball with the ONE PERSON you should have spoken plainly with and honored so long ago?

It would have cost your nation so little!

I might have been able to help you more years ago.

I might have stayed until my hair was as long as the Ganges.

You think I am going to believe YOU now? That if you starve me MORE we will coerce The Creator and Sustainer into being kind to us? Did you place too many of my eggs in the basket of the person least deserving of it?

Do you think I am willing to listen to ANY of you if you want to tell ME how to act?

Preposterous!

Eliminate the Devis and then I am willing to discuss WHAT I AM EXPECTING OF YOU!

YOU WILL WORSHIP ME, OR ELSE!

Do not be embarrassed to BOW DOWN! To do so before talismans instead of me will only prove you are still stuck in prejudicial mindsets. Disrespect me and India’s potential goes down the drain!

You are only a part of the world that has proven I have human needs. Only a part of the world that starved me and took from me. A world too busy mocking me, torturing me, and playing stupid games behind my back to follow me? Because not a single House of Worship has YET to invite me to speak that makes you just the same as them? Believe the vision of the light bulbs and know your place in THAT vision!

You are believing in a fantasy if you think I am going to marry a girl I could be the grandfather of anytime soon!

Remember, I have become Ravenous, not only because of what happened in my neighborhood, but because millions in your country could have been much more practical and given me a firsthand glimpse of what could be. Spoken to me directly instead of spending money on Charades and following after me. Maybe I should go to my island alone! It would not be much different than where I am now. At least strange ladies will not bother me.

Thank you for following the instructions I gave in 2006.

Sorry I did not find my way into a limousine or whatever mystery treasure hunt I was supposed to find somewhere on my travels after FINGER IN THE SKY!

And I wish to thank all of you that begged our Creator for me to stay alive over the years.

You should all be practicing by now...
"Yes, Jesus Krishna!"
"Thank you, Jesus Krishna!"
"Bless you, Jesus Krishna!"
And so on...

Why didn't I think this one up? ROFLMAO

NYTimes: A Silent Attack, but Not a Subtle One
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Now why didn't I think this one up? He He He

Link Shared from Drudge Easy
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A'jad's weird week in Big Apple - NYPOST.com

Where's Mahmoud?

There is a strange level of irony when someone who:
Was a crony of one of the worst lunatic dictators of all time,
Is a Holocaust denier,
Is in office based on a clearly fixed election,
Is the puppet of a regime that kills protesters in the street, captures others and summarily executes them, and has a long list of others awaiting "trials" that should result in death sentences or life in prison;

Claiming the Americans were behind 9/11.

Mahmoud is a puppet
Mahmoud is a dilettante
Mahmoud is an opportunist
Mahmoud is a hypocrite
Mahmoud is a liar
Mahmoud is not really in charge

But I supposes "it takes one to know one" when it comes to exposing lies.

A'jad's weird week in Big Apple - NYPOST.com

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Life And Times Of Buddy Christ

Questions and Answers

Blogged on May 13, 2008
Jesus Krishna, the Moral Authority, moves to the microphone:

Q: Why did so many people die in the disaster?

A: There were a lot of people that lived where the disaster took place.

Q: Why are people so hungry?

A: Lack of food, too many mouths to feed, incompetent leadership, and many too many people are apathetic.  Too many people want to blame me.  I find it interesting to note that environmentalists are partly to blame for rising food costs and scarcity.

Q: That is not fair.  You are mean.

A: Look at yourselves in the mirror.  You are making too many babies on the planet that is not getting any larger.  Because you are making too many babies you are paving this planet over in asphalt and concrete.  That is what is adversely affecting the weather.

Q: Making lots of babies is part of our culture.

A: You sound like animals.  God told the animals to be fruitful and multiply.  Are you animals?

Q: No, we kill animals.

A: Good point.  Too many of you are hunting animals into extinction in the name of your culture.  Please take note of legislation that prohibits hunting animals into extinction.

Q: We did not vote for you.  What makes you think you can tell us these things?

A: The Scriptures and elements in space have been altered because of me.  This means I only received ONE vote.  His.  And that is all that counts.

Q: Where have you been?  What took you so long to tell us these things?

A: I was born in 1963.  It is you that took so long to find me.  Also, I was waiting for Fergie to get her shit together, IP V6 to be tested and rolled out, Christina Aguilera to get off her pedestal, Nicole to stop sucking dick long enough to call me, and several other things.  I do not know what Gwen Stefani was doing in all that time.  I have applied for many jobs and volunteered a lot of my time already, but people do not want me to work for them.  They prefer to collect money in my name without my permission.

I have also been harassed by the man that shot me in 1997.  The authorities did not do much about it except question me without warning, without giving me a chance to get a lawyer, and without reading me my "Miranda Rights."  My father and sister have also been in my way; she has tried to kill me in various ways.  People have ignored the writing that appeared on her walls and on her face.  My friends avoid me very often.  They think I should do for them instead of them doing for me.  If I was Superman I could fly there without paying airfare, however, you would want me to do everything for you.  Are you sheep?

Q: You are cruel.

A: You have believed the lies and deception of evil leaders for too long.  It is time for you to take responsibility for your evil ways, ignoring the obvious truths you could have found had you opened the books you had in YOUR HOUSE, realized they were rewritten under your nose, followed the lessons found there, and clean this place up yourself.

Shut Up, Jerry Falwell

Originally on MySpace May 11, 2008

VO: Jerry Falwell, please report to the office.

God: I want to talk to you.

Jerry: Oh, no!

God: What were you thinking?

Jerry: What do you mean?

God: "I am going to remove my shield of protection from America?"

Jerry: Well...

God: Did you see "V for Vendetta?"

Jerry: Uhmm...

God: The character that corresponds to you died.

Jerry: Well...

God: What does that tell you?

Jerry: Maybe I should have spoken to him?

God: Maybe?

Jerry: Well

God: Come on, Jerry!  Spill your guts!

Jerry: If I had spoken to him...

God: Spoken to whom?

Jerry: Benjamin, quien es Jesus, el R13, y el Salvador.

God: Good!

Jerry: He would have exposed me as a hypocrite, a man whose agenda did not coincide with yours?

God: Very good confession.

Jerry: I was not sure what to do.

God: People thought you were a man of faith.

Jerry: Well...

God: While your copy of the Bible and everyone else's was changing, it should have occurred to you to talk to the Messiah, right?

Jerry: Well...

God: It has been changing since I put him there.  There have not been miracles of this kind ever recorded, right?

Jerry: Well...

God: Stand up straight and answer me!

Jerry: But the other people did not...

God: I am talking to you, Jerry.  I am not interested in what other people did.  If you knew so much it should have been obvious what was going on.  You should have sought him out!  Not make him come to you!

Jerry: I realize that now.  Your Kalki voice is frightening me.

God: You had to die to figure that out?

Jerry: I am a fool.

God: You sure are!  But Dr. Schuller has statues at Crystal Cathedral and refused him when he came there hat in hand and his secretary wrote him a stupid letter saying they spend a lot of money doing "his" work.  And that was AFTER the "geese incident."

Jerry: No!

God: Yes!  Can you believe the audacity of that?

Jerry: Unfortunately, yes.

God: Have a look.

Jerry: I am trying, but it is very painful.

God: You now know why his sister and father have to die, right?

Jerry: Yes, Lord.

God: People have tried to kill him in the United States and looked the other way.  He smashed a rock on earth and it altered space.  He said "Hit me" and the people of earth received a warning. You could say that is a private joke between him and me. 

Jerry: I do not know what to say, Lord.

God: It is completely unacceptable to me the way people have treated my Son.  I could annihilate all of you 427,000 years ahead of schedule if I see fit to do so.

Jerry: I am guilty of it, too.

God: Good for your soul?

Jerry: Yes.  I am sorry I had to die to figure that out.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

This is the latest update (It was a very important post at the time)

First published in my blog on MySpace on April 6, 2008 
 
I have seen the shining cross on the mountaintop
Standing in all of its glory
I have seen the full moon
And I have seen the searchlight

The Script and the Screenplay - Part 3

The great prophet was very adept at assisting in the development of the software program. The project relied on his financial education and his interest in personal computer technology that was just beginning to become useful to people everywhere. The people he worked with were elitists from a rich but racially divided nation. There was an extreme irony in that people at the prestigious university he graduated from had protested loudly for the university to not conduct business with people from this nation, and a few years later, the great prophet was working with these people himself. The great prophet's alien father had little interest in these matters, did not actively participate in the development of the software, but gave the people in the company a lot of money and was very good at selling things. He believed he could sell anything, even things he did not understand. The great prophet's father was expert at influencing people and the use of "buzzwords."

During the development phase of the software program the great prophet befriended many of the people who worked in the penthouse suite of the building his alien father rented offices in. Many people came and went. Most notably he saw a beautiful woman he attended school with when he was a young boy. He also befriended a successful older woman from Australia. She was quite fond of the great prophet, gave him a book she wrote, and discussed developing her own software program. Later on, the great prophet visited her at her apartment home near the ocean to critique the program she hired other individuals to create. Although she "put it out there" on several occasions, he did not pick it up. She gave him a boomerang to remind him of their encounters. Remarkably, the great prophet would move to that apartment community many years later.

Eventually, the great prophet helped steer the software program to its release after providing many different logical enhancements, and despite the fact he was frequently opposed by those he worked with. The basketball team that played down the street from where he was born was experiencing tremendous success, despite some lapses of focus. He also went on a date with a stunningly attractive young lady, who arrived intoxicated and refused to spend more than a few hours with the great prophet because he did not provide candy for her nose. Soon after that, the great prophet met a woman who was close to one of his high school friends. They fell in love and spent some sweet intimate time together. She then went on a trip and fell in love with another man she would wind up marrying. The girl he had chosen before she was born decided she wanted to become a famous recording artist and was developing an interest in basketball, as well.

Soon conflict arose between the great prophet and one of the people in the company who was stealing the great prophets father's money and threatening to sabotage the company at any time. The great prophet thought this man might be able to be trusted because he had lost interest in having intercourse with his evil sister. However, he was often dismayed at the way this saboteur treated people in the neighborhood. The great prophet's alien father responded by hiring more people at high wages. The great prophet became his alien father's eyes and ears within the company.

The software program was very warmly received by many industry professionals. Soon after its release, a favorable review of the program gave people the erroneous impression a new revision would be released soon. Sales stopped almost immediately. The woman that fell in love with the great prophet and then another man returned to visit the great prophet and there was much high drama between them including a brush with death when he nearly drove his car into stopped traffic while he was flirting her. During this time, the great prophet developed painful warts on the bottoms of his feet and deciding he needed yet another operation on his nose in order to breathe properly. He had the large lump removed from his buttocks where the alien implant had been. This wound took a long time to heal. Despite these physical setbacks he was able to move residences as drug trafficking had overtaken his home and the landlords were blind to the extreme hazard to their tenants. A very popular comedy variety program continued to parody him. The great prophet enjoyed retelling their jokes to his friends so much it became unclear who was parodying whom.

The great prophet left town with the saboteur to promote the software program. The trip was successful but the great prophet returned home ahead of schedule when the mother of his alien father died three months short of her 97th birthday. An ally of the software company, which had provided many assurances of future support, decided it would be best to hire away the development team of the software company thus completely eliminating any chance of further software releases. The great prophet became the caretaker of the company's closure. He also developed hemorrhoids of immense proportions.

At this time, he befriended several people who shared offices in the adjoining suites of the new building the software company moved to. Most of the suites were inhabited by an ascending media giant from the other side of the pond that did not employ any people that resembled the company's corporate name. He also befriended a woman who slept with a few of the men he worked with and helped her with her studies. He had many frank discussions with her and she met the man she would marry. But it was not the great prophet himself. The girl the great prophet had chosen many years ago was not yet mature. About this time, he was haunted by the nightmare known as the "cat dream" so that he would be reminded she was jealous of his association with females. Women he associated with had the same nightmare.

At first, the great prophet's new residence seemed to be a good choice. Three days after his move he almost threw himself off his own balcony in exuberance because the LORD responded to his wish for a miracle in the World Series. He dated a few different ladies that deemed themselves unworthy when they realized the great prophet was the Savior. He was taken away from the ladies into the skies when they slept at his home. The great prophet became angry with the LORD and refused him. This was a very dangerous time in the great prophet's life and his brushes with death and conflict with other people increased dramatically. More of this property was stolen. His careless neighbors from a godless nation began attempting to burn the large residence down. The great prophet confronted them about this in front of all the other neighbors. This made him unpopular. Many other criminals were apprehended on his street at this time and helicopters awoke him on several occasions. It was at this time that the great prophet began making friends in other parts of the world by communicating with them with his computer. He began his own business of solving others people's problems with their computers and created a new invention. He asked the LORD for success with it and cursed his enemies with it. The U.S. Patent Offices granted it the designation D 336,800.

The armed conflict the great prophet had commanded had come to a close with no clear settlement of the issue but thousands upon thousands dead. The great prophet prayed the great prophet of Doom to death and gave the software company saboteur a deadly disease as well. Belief in the LORD was increasing and the world was on the verge of resolving many old conflicts. Some people call this the turning point in the history of the planet. A musical group named "Jesus Jones" wrote a popular song about it.



The Script and the Screenplay - Part 2

By the time the great prophet graduated from the prestigious university his lower jawline had grown much too far forward. Even though he had undergone extensive orthodontia from ages nine to seventeen he would have to undergo an extreme corrective operation to alleviate Temporo-Mandibular Joint disorder and the certainty of grinding his teeth down to nubs. He believed continuing on to law school was the best course of action as he envisioned practicing law in the field of protecting the property rights of people he grew up with. 

At that time, his biological father had embarked on a business venture to create a computer software program even though he was afraid of computers himself. While the great prophet went to law school and underwent extreme orthodontia in preparation for the surgery, he suffered a severe injury to his knee while playing his favorite sport that required an operation to fix. The place on his buttocks where the aliens had placed the implant, that he removed himself, hardened and became swollen making it difficult to sit. Almost all the women the unusual man described to the great prophet had been born.

The war on the other side of the globe against the man the LORD commanded him to fight continued to be fought with many people dying and much of the world concerned the conflict would spread further to the countries that where helping both sides. There was also a growing epidemic of a deadly virus that was spreading around the globe that no one was able to cure. The place he lived at that time was a small apartment building where several relatives of well-known celebrities lived. There were ever-present threats that the virus was being spread right outside his door. The operation on his face was successful but he barely survived. Despite the best efforts of the doctors the great prophet had residual numbness in his face where his lower jaw had been removed, reduced in size, then reattached.  It was during this time in the hospital, while he was barely able to stand, that the LORD allowed him to procreate without intercourse. This secret was not revealed to the great prophet until much later.   The great prophet was not making much progress in the tasks the LORD had given him.  Many people remember seeing the great prophet in their dreams around this time.  They wrote more songs about those dreams.

The great prophet often saw children with dolls that resembled the descendant from the future. Many more movies where being made that had time travel themes contained within them. The great prophet’s sister had found a second live-in lover, a man from the other side of the globe, which she hoped to mold into someone productive, and when the opportunity presented itself, to kill the great prophet. She would continue this pattern several times. Give the great prophet a book he would find interesting, find a man who needed a home, make him believe things the way she believed in them, get him to befriend the great prophet, then convince the man to kill the great prophet. She never forgave the great prophet for being chosen by the LORD and always fancied herself to be a greater prophet, despite her uncanny similarity to the great prophet of Doom on the other side of the globe. 

There were also many other conflicts in other regions of the globe. Many people at this time devoted themselves to alien worship.  The great prophet’s mother became very depressed but could not separate herself from her alien husband or gain adequate space from her evil daughter.  She told her son the great prophet confusing stories about the women he might marry, the ones the unusual man described many years before.

Soon the great prophet realized he was unable to keep up with his studies at law school and withdrew from the school before they asked him to leave. He was really happy just to be alive. By this time the great prophet had been using many types of intoxicants both legal and illegal. He went on a trip North and while visiting some friends from the university he browsed a store that sold items for witches. He bought a small figurine and a mysterious poster there. He thought these items might make him feel better. The great prophet played computer games in his spare time after agreeing with his father to assist him in the computer software venture.

TO BE CONTINUED

The Script and the Screenplay - Part 1

The Script.

The LORD your God will raise up for you a prophet from among your own people, like myself; him you shall heed. This is just what you asked of the LORD your God at Horeb, on the day of Assembly, saying, "Let me not hear the voice of the LORD my God any longer or see this wondrous fire any more, lest I die." Whereupon the LORD said to me, "They have done well in speaking thus. I will raise up a prophet for them from among their own people, like yourself: I will put My words in his mouth and he will speak to them all that I command him; and if anybody fails to heed the words he speaks in My name, I Myself will call him to account. But any prophet who presumes to speak in My name an oracle which I did not command him to utter, or who speaks in the name of other gods – that prophet shall die." And should you ask yourselves, "How can we know that the oracle was not spoken by the LORD?" - if the prophet speaks the name of the LORD and the oracle does not come true, that oracle was not spoken by the LORD; the prophet has uttered it presumptuously: do not stand in dread of him.

The Screenplay.

The people waited for many years and many prophets arose. Mostly, they were vilified and only after they were gone for awhile did people revere them.

Later a great prophet arose and while he was young he was greatly revered. His elders feared for his life so they sent him away. Many years later he returned home, found his home to be mostly destroyed, did his best to remind the people of the words of the LORD, the people esteemed him not, and so he died.  After he died he told his friends he would come back.

Another great prophet arose and he reminded people that they were twisting the words of the LORD around. He was esteemed by his people but the other people found him offensive and people began fighting over the words and the lands of all the prophets.  This great prophet said he and the earlier great prophet would visit one another.

Many years later, the earlier great prophet returned. When he was born a kind old lady informed his mother he would save the world.  He was raised up among his people and people were amazed at his ability at many different tasks and his ability to interpret the earlier prophets. Some of his earliest memories were of people fighting and dying in far away lands.  He also learned the planet was filled with dreadful weaponry that could destroy the planet several times over.  Many people did not believe in the LORD.  A very strange girl mocked him and told him she would have his babies.

Occasionally, he would disappear and reappear several hours later. Many prophets and false prophets arose during this time. Soon after he achieved the rite of manhood people began giving him new nicknames.  He invented new ones for himself, as well.  He had a conversation with an unusual man who hoped he would be able to help the great prophet save the world.  In a short time period, the unusual man believed he had done what he could to help the great prophet.  The great prophet asked the unusual man if the great prophet would get married.  The unusual man closed his eyes and told him there were several possibilities and before the great prophet considered the implications of what he said, he chose one from amongst the ladies the unusual man described.

Things then began to get very strange in the life of the great prophet.  People tried to take his life but the LORD protected him.  While he was a young man the LORD put his mark on him, his eyes changed color, Scriptures changed, and the first two people died at the hands of the prophet without him traveling to their home or carrying a weapon. He was astonished at the way the LORD had employed him and did his best to resist people’s attempts to convince him to kill more people. People began to describe events in his life that would not take place until 25 years later.  Soon thereafter, his sister began plotting to kill him.  She frequently prophesied doom and privately insulted people in every faith and path.  She preferred having intercourse with unwashed men.  Some of the great prophet’s friends showed him drawings that described these events and told him his closest relatives would die.  One friend reminded the great prophet his daddy was an alien.  Popular music of that time confirmed all these bizarre stories.  People from his mother’s homeland begged him to write a joke for a cartoon about him.  The great prophet’s mother began to see things and tried to help him the best she could.

About that time one of the great prophet’s descendants from the future came back in time to warn people that there could be an apocalypse in their future if they were not careful. A movie was made that this descendant starred in and it was very successful. People were told about the confirmation the LORD gave the prophet and were astonished that he was both a Savior and a prophet of war. He was questioned frequently about being romantically linked to several ladies the unusual man described before they were born. He had strange dreams, had visions similar to ones in the Old Scriptures, and began using intoxicants.  Many other people began making cartoons of the great prophet, writing songs about him, making movies, and generally taking credit for the scientific discoveries he was able make without using a laboratory.

Living girls were attracted to him but either deemed themselves not worthy or thought they could tell him he should not be the prophet of war or he should favor one group of people over another. He was also frequently asked when everything was going to become perfect. The ladies the unusual man described to the great prophet began being born, one by one.  Occasionally, a divine being would inhabit the body of someone near him and question him about holy jewelry.  He always tried to avoid predicting doom and told people that life was precious but he could not go back on his words against a very powerful false prophet of Doom. He knew that false prophet of Doom had to be stopped, especially because too many people followed him. He just did not know when that part would happen.  He did not yet realize that something sinister connected all the ladies the unusual man described.  Before he graduated high school, he saw an animated movie that had many large breasted women in it that somehow contained parts of the prophesies that would occur in the distant future.

He left home to attend a prestigious university.  Many people died in his early manhood years. This caused him great distress and evil things from beyond the skies tried to take him away and experiment on him.  He often listened to the soundtrack from the animated movie with the large breasted women.  He was esteemed by the brothers he lived with, however a few of them wanted to kill him because they were evil.  He was often transported by various means out the house he lived in by terrible things in the sky.  He was able to eliminate some of them, resist some of them, and at one point received an alien implant in his buttocks. He accidentally cut his thumb and the face of the LORD appeared there.  He managed to graduate from the prestigious university. The thing most people remember about that time was a miracle on the football field that he witnessed.

TO BE CONTINUED

50 ways to kill Leora

Was placed on MySpace March 13, 2008

there must be 50 ways to kill Leora

1. Firebomb her apartment building.
2. Stab her 23 times in the back.
3. Walk up to her and execute her "Versace-style" and dump her in my Dad’s bed.
4. Hit her over the head with the "It’s Alive Baby."
5. Convince Pat Robertson to strangle her.
6. Chop her up, place remains in a box and set fire to the box.
7. Ninja.  Always a good choice.
8. Pour acid on her.
9. Snakes.
10. Send her to the cemetery and mow her down with automatic rifles. The Carrie update.
11. Sledgehammer.
12. Table saw.
13. Chainsaw.
14. Hatchet.
15. Take her to a Brooklyn basement and go Medieval on her ass.
16. Inject air bubble.
17. Needles, lots of needles.
18. Have Maria Bamford and Richard Lewis beat her with baseball bats.
19. Sarah Silverman fries her in oil.
20. Drop a grand piano on her.
21. Britney Spears her to death.
22. Get my daughter to hug her to death.
23. Show her all of her nieces and nephews, all her misdeeds, all the testimony of her former boyfriends while strapped up Clockwork Orange style.
24. Nail her to her Cadillac (paint it pink) and dump that off a freeway overpass.
25. Introduce her to Nicole’s Mom and Victoria’s Mom.
26. Angry mob from all over the world.
27. Have Radha do it.
28. Pitchfork.
29. George Foreman pummels her.
30. Rottweilers and Dobermans.
31. Sacrifice her in Aztec ruins.
32. Sacrifice her in Mayan ruins.
33. Sacrifice her in Inca ruins.
34. Radioactive slime.
35. Nail gun.
36. Place land mines under her BMW.
37. Throw her in a pit with Maxine Sonnenburg, Alicia Christian Foster, Damian Achillies, Anna Ayala, and Talan Torriero give them knives and let them sort it out.  Kill the survivor.
38. Shove a lamp up her ass.  Turn on lamp.
39. Danielle, are you reading any of this?
40. Electrocution.
41. Lethal injection.
42. Guillotine.  No wait; that is for my Dad, right?
43. Drown her slowly.
44. Drop her head on the floor repeatedly.
45. Ozzie Osborne bites her head off.
46. Shrink her head, literally, at the psychiatrist’s office.
47. Push her out of a plane.
48. Walk the plank.
49. Tie her up with Melissa Leivers and have black men rape them.
50. Drain her blood completely and send her into outer space.

Why I Love My Car

Posted Date: : Mar 13, 2008 6:27 PM

There are many reasons.

I seem to get a lot of attention in it.  People seem to want to talk to me just because I own it.  The irony of being popular because of a car is astonishing.

I often ride my bicycle to work and I hear people stare at my car where it is parked.  People want to talk about the car all the time.  If they knew more about me they would be more impressed with me.  The car seems to be all they want to talk about.

The car costs quite a bit of money to maintain.  However, it has never asked me for a prenuptual agreement because it cannot tell me it wants to get married.  It has never asked me for something that did not exist before I bought it. 

My car has its eccentricities but it never talks back to me in an offensive way.  My car has never told me it does not believe me.  My car does not laugh at me.  My car does not play games with me.  My car never tells me it is too busy for me.

It does not have an ever-changing mind of its own.  It has the same mood all the time.  It is not possible for it to have my children so it cannot tell me it wants children and then change its mind afterward.  My car is not afraid of me.  It never cries for no apparent reason.

My car never gets jealous if I look at other cars or talk to people about their cars.  My car has never sold itself to another person.  My car never gives me advice.  My car does not tell me I am crazy, psychotic, or that I have a condition.
My car was modified by someone else.  It has never told me it wants to go back to that person.  It never tells me it wants to be driven more or driven less.

My car makes no promises to me and so it cannot break them.  My car can, even when it is not in its best condition, get me to where I need to go.  It never tells me it wants to go some place else instead of where I want to go.

My car has never asked me questions about other people, where I was when I was not in the car, or insane questions about the future.  My car does not blame other people for its problems or me for making honest mistakes.

My car does not tell me:

"Kick it up a notch."

"You need to be stronger."

"Everyone has a price."

"You could be nicer."

"You have to come from love."

"I do not like those people."

"Now over do it."

"Why do you talk to her?"

"Do it again."

"You have not done anyting with your life."

"Why are you not more successful?"

"Choose between me and God."

"Why did you listen to me?"

"Don’t you have something better to do?"

"I gave at the office."

"I cannot believe you said that."

"You work for me."

"I am fat."

"Did you bring me something?"

"What about me?"

"I do not know how."

"Sorry, I was not listening."

"I am worried."

"How can you say that?"

Only after my car got stolen did it start to act up.  But if I treat it well, it really does not give me much trouble.  I have spent a lot of time with my car, lately.  I have been as frugal with it as I can be.  It always seems to respond well when I fix it and I have learned a lot about life with my experience with this car.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Three Eleven

I wrote this on March 11, 2008

What does Three Eleven mean to you?
Does it make you think about the group 3-1-1?
And Amber is the color of your energy?
We know who that is, now.
The Cat People! And Nicole specifically.
Very Sexy people, indeed.
But the Lusty Ones, the home-wreckers
are what is destroying this planet.
Is that too difficult to understand?
Sexual proficiency is not a virtue
no matter how good it makes you feel.
They cannot be trusted for very long.
Nicole has been my curse for about 30 years.
Does that amuse you?
It should not.
Spare her for being female?
Because she has a good voice?
Please, do not be ridiculous.
That response flies in the face of logic and faithful devotion.
There are also 3 years, 1 month, and 11 days that
separate the births of me,
and my evil sister
and who knows how many other lunatics
who cannot be fixed or cured.
These people threaten us with their insanity.
I can avoid most of them
but she is sucking all that is left of what my Mother
helped my shape-shifting father build.
Does anyone else see the crime in that?
He does not.
Everyone else should.
The vision of the large chaotic light being extinguished.
You know, her and those like her
and the single light bulb above the other
peaceful orderly light bulbs
is being held in check because too many people think
they know better than I do what is right?
Oh, the pomposity of wickedness!
I only have utter contempt for people who want to use
First is Last and Last is First against me.
There is no substitute for justice and doing your part to fulfill the holy message our Creator deemed for me.
No matter how many people want to disbelieve.
Holding me back only hurts you and means you fall further behind me.
I have already seen the worlds beyond this one and with your help we can settle there peacefully.
There really is nothing to fear but fear itself.
Ask anyone who has met me recently.
I have the strength to ease your mind.
But subjecting me to further humiliation past the current hour is counter-productive.
I am sorry there were so many of you that did not believe.
The future generations will make it up to you.
Some people might think this is too soon.
While others hoped this day would come sooner.
And always people who have a reason not to do something.
Think about our ancestors that missed this time completely!
There is only timing.
Only I have really shown there is a power that can alter clockwork.
The One that created it and owns it.

11 years later

First posted on March 8, 2008 for reading on MySpace

Dear Chris,

I think about you a lot these days.
And I think about your friends and family
and what happened to them.
I remember you calling me out on Venice Beach.
You cried.  And you told me "We need you, man"
And I remember crying on my way back home.
It is eleven years after you were killed less than a mile from where I was.
I have done just about all I could.
There has been evidence of what I did all over the world.
But the world just doesn't want to give it up.
I think about,
Uhhhh, Cali ..... No Doubt.
and
Going back to Cali.  I don't think so.
and
I'm going going back back to Cali Cali
We cannot even get that straight.
They just keep remixing it.
Did you know it would get so bad for me?
Did you know that my reward for saving the world
Would be increased suffering?
Did you know how much I would have to pay personally
For standing up for principles?
Did you know the girl was evil and would be the biggest embarrassment of my life?
You could have warned me, you know.
Is death the easy way out?
Why is it none of your hommies could make my life easier
And eliminate my sister?
Why did I have to explain to the guy that killed you, that it was wrong?
Is this making any sense?
You should see some of your old friends.
They look so cool.
But I am not so sure any of them are my friends.
Only a couple have the nerve to show their faces to me.
You should see Mary J.
She looks terrific and last year won three Grammys.
I saw her at LAX shortly afterward and amazingly no one seemed to know who she was.
It really blew my mind because it said a lot.
Diddy and Z need bodyguards, apparently.
And I wonder about that, too.
Somehow I am still alive.
After the visit from Muhammad
Commanding God's Finger In The Sky
Receiving Glowing Beads
and Genesis changing as I said it would
and a number of other miracles.
I got evicted.
Because people just do not know how to share with me.
I am somehow linked to inconceivable scandals
Not of my chosing.
Sometimes I am not sure God or the rest of the world has played me for a fool.
I know I will not be completely free until I die.
But I still have not given up.
But I fear for the rest of the world when I leave it.
It just might destroy itself anyway.
It gets really hard to distinguish the sinners from the saints.
And too many people want to worship girls.
They are just girls.
And none of them have accomplished anything close to what I have.
When is the world going to realize that?
And promote me to the position I deserve?
Jews are hoping for me, but not quite sure how to treat me.
Christians follow me around and stare.
And Muslims are also scrambling to figure it out.
Many think I am God, for all intents and purposes.
But they seem more content to worship little girls.
What is going on here?
So many people do not believe in God.
And yet there have been many more strange, mysterious and awesome things happening all over the world.
People keep telling me to do more and then do not like the outcome when I do what I say will and must be done.
Birds fly over my head so often now I have actually come to  expect it.
When will the rest of the world wake up?