The LORD your God will raise up for you a prophet from among your own people, like myself; him you shall heed. This is just what you asked of the LORD your God at Horeb, on the day of Assembly, saying, "Let me not hear the voice of the LORD my God any longer or see this wondrous fire any more, lest I die." Whereupon the LORD said to me, "They have done well in speaking thus. I will raise up a prophet for them from among their own people, like yourself: I will put My words in his mouth and he will speak to them all that I command him; and if anybody fails to heed the words he speaks in My name, I Myself will call him to account. But any prophet who presumes to speak in My name an oracle which I did not command him to utter, or who speaks in the name of other gods – that prophet shall die." And should you ask yourselves, "How can we know that the oracle was not spoken by the LORD?" - if the prophet speaks the name of the LORD and the oracle does not come true, that oracle was not spoken by the LORD; the prophet has uttered it presumptuously: do not stand in dread of him.
The people waited for many years and many prophets arose. Mostly, they were vilified and only after they were gone for awhile did people revere them.
Later a great prophet arose and while he was young he was greatly revered. His elders feared for his life so they sent him away. Many years later he returned home, found his home to be mostly destroyed, did his best to remind the people of the words of the LORD, the people esteemed him not, and so he died. After he died he told his friends he would come back.
Another great prophet arose and he reminded people that they were twisting the words of the LORD around. He was esteemed by his people but the other people found him offensive and people began fighting over the words and the lands of all the prophets. This great prophet said he and the earlier great prophet would visit one another.
Many years later, the earlier great prophet returned. When he was born a kind old lady informed his mother he would save the world. He was raised up among his people and people were amazed at his ability at many different tasks and his ability to interpret the earlier prophets. Some of his earliest memories were of people fighting and dying in far away lands. He also learned the planet was filled with dreadful weaponry that could destroy the planet several times over. Many people did not believe in the LORD. A very strange girl mocked him and told him she would have his babies.
Occasionally, he would disappear and reappear several hours later. Many prophets and false prophets arose during this time. Soon after he achieved the rite of manhood people began giving him new nicknames. He invented new ones for himself, as well. He had a conversation with an unusual man who hoped he would be able to help the great prophet save the world. In a short time period, the unusual man believed he had done what he could to help the great prophet. The great prophet asked the unusual man if the great prophet would get married. The unusual man closed his eyes and told him there were several possibilities and before the great prophet considered the implications of what he said, he chose one from amongst the ladies the unusual man described.
Things then began to get very strange in the life of the great prophet. People tried to take his life but the LORD protected him. While he was a young man the LORD put his mark on him, his eyes changed color, Scriptures changed, and the first two people died at the hands of the prophet without him traveling to their home or carrying a weapon. He was astonished at the way the LORD had employed him and did his best to resist people’s attempts to convince him to kill more people. People began to describe events in his life that would not take place until 25 years later. Soon thereafter, his sister began plotting to kill him. She frequently prophesied doom and privately insulted people in every faith and path. She preferred having intercourse with unwashed men. Some of the great prophet’s friends showed him drawings that described these events and told him his closest relatives would die. One friend reminded the great prophet his daddy was an alien. Popular music of that time confirmed all these bizarre stories. People from his mother’s homeland begged him to write a joke for a cartoon about him. The great prophet’s mother began to see things and tried to help him the best she could.
About that time one of the great prophet’s descendants from the future came back in time to warn people that there could be an apocalypse in their future if they were not careful. A movie was made that this descendant starred in and it was very successful. People were told about the confirmation the LORD gave the prophet and were astonished that he was both a Savior and a prophet of war. He was questioned frequently about being romantically linked to several ladies the unusual man described before they were born. He had strange dreams, had visions similar to ones in the Old Scriptures, and began using intoxicants. Many other people began making cartoons of the great prophet, writing songs about him, making movies, and generally taking credit for the scientific discoveries he was able make without using a laboratory.
Living girls were attracted to him but either deemed themselves not worthy or thought they could tell him he should not be the prophet of war or he should favor one group of people over another. He was also frequently asked when everything was going to become perfect. The ladies the unusual man described to the great prophet began being born, one by one. Occasionally, a divine being would inhabit the body of someone near him and question him about holy jewelry. He always tried to avoid predicting doom and told people that life was precious but he could not go back on his words against a very powerful false prophet of Doom. He knew that false prophet of Doom had to be stopped, especially because too many people followed him. He just did not know when that part would happen. He did not yet realize that something sinister connected all the ladies the unusual man described. Before he graduated high school, he saw an animated movie that had many large breasted women in it that somehow contained parts of the prophesies that would occur in the distant future.
He left home to attend a prestigious university. Many people died in his early manhood years. This caused him great distress and evil things from beyond the skies tried to take him away and experiment on him. He often listened to the soundtrack from the animated movie with the large breasted women. He was esteemed by the brothers he lived with, however a few of them wanted to kill him because they were evil. He was often transported by various means out the house he lived in by terrible things in the sky. He was able to eliminate some of them, resist some of them, and at one point received an alien implant in his buttocks. He accidentally cut his thumb and the face of the LORD appeared there. He managed to graduate from the prestigious university. The thing most people remember about that time was a miracle on the football field that he witnessed.
TO BE CONTINUED