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Friday, November 5, 2010

Jesus Gets Crucified in the 21st Century

had to share what I thought on August 17, 2009

Because all of those that awaited the return of Jesus were late in acknowledging their Savior King, it was decided he would be crucified again.  People thought if they killed him, or sacrificed him then GOD would be appeased and save the rest of humanity.  But they were wrong.

Jesus was crowned again and given diseases.  People ignored him but played games with his saliva, blood and semen.  He was chained and lashed mercilessly.  He did not want to die before his job was done, but he knew there was more than a donkey ride involved.

Jesus was pushed uphill and said;

Jesus: Can you help me?

Girl: My boyfriend will get jealous.

Jesus: The cruel aliens are doing this to me.

Girl: It was nice to meet you.

Jesus: If you let me help you we can both be prosperous.

Man: Eh, I'll think about it.

Jesus: This really is not necessary.  Don't you recognize me?

Woman: You have to leave.

Jesus: I want to talk to you alone.

Woman:  I need my Dad's permission.

Jesus: This is my home.

Woman: Get him out of here, he is trespassing and taking up two spots.

Jesus: Who are you?

Man: I want to buy your futon!

Jesus: Please let me rest here.

Woman: Get him out of here, he trying to break into my house!

Jesus: I helped you and she just wants to use you.

Man: Look at her tits!

Jesus: I said books would change and they did.

Man: You are crazy.

Jesus: My feet are killing me.

Man: At least you still have feet.

Jesus: You owe me, you monster.

Man: So what?  Go to the world for your money.

Jesus: Can I get someone to tend to my wounds?

Nicole: No, I think you cursed me and you deserve more.  How did you make it out of the sauna?

Jesus: I have been looking for you for twenty five years.

Girl:  You raped me!  Kill my boyfriend.

Jesus: I have raised the dead.

Man: That's scary!

Jesus: You and I see things very much the same way.

Woman: You are not my friend anymore.

Jesus: I need to get back to the Vatican!

Man: There's no vacancy there.

Jesus: Do not ignore my warnings of Haman.

Man: He is a uniter not a divider.

Jesus: I need you to kill my sister.

Woman:  I couldn't.  I was dead.

Jesus: What kind of excuse is that?

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