Secrets, Dirty Secrets

posted September 17, 2009

Some people think I am somewhat twisted and mean.  I am not.  This is a twisted and mean world and I was sent to Messiah it.  I am a product of my environment.

People who want to cover secrets with more crimes and secrets are twisted.  I stand for the truth.  Even if I have to be twisted to get to it.

As much as I hate to say it, I will also seize any opportunity to get to the truth or to solve a problem even when the rest of the world wants me to STFU.  I am not getting any younger.  One of these occurred at the reception after my Dad's funeral.  Another reason I'm pissed is this funeral got thrown together at the last minute almost without my input, and there would be NO SHIVA.  The Messiah's Dad did not really believe in GOD.  He really is the biggest fool that ever lived.

The way my relationship with my shape-shifter Dad fell apart is sad but there is not much I could do.  Too many people tried to kill me and fuck with me.  Also, I was really incredibly deceived during the save the world Charade of 2006-2007.  I realized only after I moved back to California that I was feeling sad for someone who I thought I had given the order to be executed and HE WAS NOT EXECUTED.  I realized I felt bad about something that did not happen.  Look out when that happens; DON'T FUCK WITH ME IS MY MOTTO now.

I had known for a long time that my half-brother Geoff, who would be like James to my Jesus, would have trouble with the man I realized was his real father.  My Mom would never give me the straight answer.  She has been dead almost 10 years.  Her feelings cannot be hurt now.  And since my shape-shifter Dad would not even consider if my roommate-half-brother was his or not, because he treated him as if he did not exist, I could not care less what he wants now.  I really didn't care if his burial plot had gotten cold yet or not.

I figured out Geoff's real father was a friend of the family's and the implications were too bizarre to consider when I realized it in 1996.  Geoff was essential in helping me SAVE THE WORLD in 1996.  I told him whom to approach but since he completely failed to get back to me on this, and the rest of you out there tried to kill me too many times I will continue to do this myself.

At the reception was the ex-wife of the man I know is Geoff's Dad.  She was my Mom's best friend for a long time.  She was obviously clueless.  When we first started to chat she was astonished that I would not be receiving as much of my father's estate as she thought I should get.  There were too many other people listening to get into that, but I accept that my Dad is free to share his stuff with whomever he wants.  For years he had told me how he made minor adjustments in planned distribution, but I would receive as large a share as anyone.  After we had our blow up and further antagonistic dealings I never really assumed I would receive much.  I guess about 44 years of being supportive would not be enough if he wanted to screw me at the end of his life.  Oh well.

Back to the conversation with the lady.  I changed the subject.  She is a bit slow, so I had to speak a bit slower and use certain hand gestures to get my point across and apparently other people there heard me.  Why not?  It's my family we're talking about and I hate these types of secrets.  She told me she had no idea my Mom had another child.  I was not surprised she was kept in the dark, "no one's supposed to know about him" was what I explained.  At this time, however, there are certain legal implications that have to be cleared up before someone gets hurt.  I have to inform my other relatives there is a part of the family that exists so they can chose how they want to deal with reality. 

Truthfully, many people around the world know he is my half-brother, but those people have NOTHING TO LOSE by knowing this.  Some people there know what I was getting at, as I received some knowing glances from them.  I believe I have done all that was necessary to straighten this out, but as I know with this situation, I can only take it so far.

I plan on relocating soon.  I will let y'all know how that turns out.