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Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Looking back because I have not moved on...

insertion for August 31, 2010


When I honestly search my feelings and thoughts, I can tell you where I am at today.

Today I think back fourteen years.  Fourteen years ago I was essentially forced out of the house on Canton Drive and was about to move into the apartment on Burnside.  I realized that despite all my efforts I had lost Gloria once and for all.  Despite all my protestations, despite all the jokes, despite all the efforts I was not getting what I needed at all.  I remember being told to wait ten years.  Maybe eleven.

I think back to the tragedy of Flight 800 that I did not want to happen.  I think about how stubborn and wrong Maxine Sonnenburg (my half-brother's adopted mother) was about attempting to steal my patent (D 336,800).  I think about how everyone in my family wanted me to move from there but would not help me move from there.  I think about all the crude jokes I made up about Nicole being a shape-shifter and a slut while she was still in high school.  I remember being asked a lot of questions about Victoria Jaquez.  I think about the vision of the staircase.  I think about how the coming destruction of the World Trade Center was supposed to play out.  I think about how my Mother had only indirectly told me Geoff and I were brothers.  I think about those people telling me my Mother was going to die in a few years.

I also think about how I said I did not want Tupak and Biggie to get killed.  One of the last things this psychic, who went buy the name of Pat, had told me is "it's already started" which I understood to mean the two of those guys were going to die soon.

Ask some of those people, if you can figure who they were, who knew Tupak and Biggie.  Talk to the people who were there in Las Vegas or at the Petersen Automotive Museum on those fateful nights.  Ask them what they did for me personally after so many people had shot at me and not been able to kill me.  If they admit to knowing about me and what I had accomplished, ask them why they avoided me all this time.

And then, in your own mind, decide whether you believe in them or you believe in me.

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