from August 20, 2010
Hey, everybody! It's Benjamin Howard Tobias, also known as Jesus Krishna, the re-writer of everyone's Scripture. I thought I would give you another gift; one that will determine how many of you Jesus freaks out there really understand what is going on in this world before it comes to an end.
See how many of these questions you can get right.
1. Where is Benjamin, who is Jesus, right now?
2. What kind of food is Jesus' favorite?
3. What law enforcement agency still has not stopped the man who shot Jesus point blank in the back and the ass on March 9, 1997?
4. Where is Jesus' implant scar? How many times was Jesus abducted between 1981 and 1985? What happened to the implant that Jesus took to the hospital for analysis?
5. How many people are a part of A.C. Jodie Foster's Anti-Christ cult/clique?
6. How many cat people are there distracting you from what you could have done for Jesus, personally?
7. What kind of shape-shifter was Theodore Tobias, the Messiah's biological father?
8. How many biological offspring does Benjamin, who is Jesus, have that he never got to name, hold, raise, teach or do anything remotely like other Daddies get to do? How many of these women did Jesus actually have sexual intercourse with? How many of these women are people Jesus would never want to birth his offspring in the first place?
9. Why was The Hero of every faith and path's sister BORN insane?
10. What proof is there that Jesus has been the self-realized and proven Messiah since 1981?
11. Why do we have laws that protect atheism, paganism, and Satan worship since the time Benjamin, who is Jesus, has proven them all wrong?
12. Where were the pictures snapped of the Messiah that became the statues at Crystal Cathedral?
13. What organization says they want Jesus now, but does not recognize Benjamin when he shows up to tell them that Deuteronomy 30 has changed right under their noses?
14. If Peter Tosh and Christopher Wallace knew who Jesus is, let alone what he looks like, why have so many people persisted in telling the lie “We don't know what Jesus looks like”?
15. What are the odds of Benjamin, who is Jesus, surviving all of the assassination attempts against him and performing all the miracles he has performed?
16. How many copies of Scripture miraculously changed since 1997? What happens to you if you tell lies on Judgment Day? How many of us are going to Hell?
17. If there is one and only one Messiah why are there so many people with titles like “King” and “Eminence” and “Holy One” and “Holiness” who cannot even hold a candle to Benjamin who is the Messiah? Why haven't the terrible Jesus impostors, that Jesus warned us about 2,000 years ago, been put to death?
18. Why hasn't Jesus asked for any compensation for creating the Sea Shepherd logo?
19. How much does Jesus weigh?