September 11th, One Year Later - Not Nine

which was posted September 11, 2010

Dear Dad,

I know you are out there somewhere.  I know there must be a special place for you; a place where a slimy, fangs under his caps, iris color changing motherfucker belongs.  It most certainly is not Heaven.

I want you to know, in case you have been kept in the dark, that I have already decided to relinquish my share of the Trust, as it is called.  I know that we never were able to resolve all the differences between us.  I certainly feel you screwed me heavily at the end and I cannot forget, nor forgive you, for that.  It is time for this shit to end because I refuse to allow you to manipulate me from beyond the grave.  As we used to joke, "Fuck you, buddy."

Just so everyone else remembers you for who you really were, I want to go over some of the low lights of your pathetic existence.  Putting up with you as long as I did is a real testament to my fortitude.  Placating the monster in you would have tried the patience of any mortal and you certainly pushed me in ways no one ever could have imagined.  However, everyone else ripped me off at least as badly as you did.  I made some references to these things at your funeral.  Now that it is one year later, some of the more bizarre things about you should be explained to the rest of the world.

Firstly, there was the day in 2007 your eyes instantly turned sky blue which accentuated all those black rods.  Had you moved one inch, I would have flattened you.  I told Nicole I could make your eyes do that without using a taser.  I told you then I didn't want your money anymore and went about destroying everything I had that reminded me of you.  Now a year after your death, I will stand by those words and not take another bit of the money “you thought” you left behind.  In reality, you didn't really leave it behind.  What you left was a horrible mess.

I also want to take note of the time I saw you before I left town for Arizona.  That day in Century City when your irises were a sickening, charcoal gray.  You wouldn't shut the fuck up about the Lakers even though I told you I didn't want to talk about them, especially Lamar Odom.  You thought that shit was funny. You had a hard time taking my criticism and listening to what I had to say.  I remember you yelling at me, while your eyelids were closing over your eyes that were transforming color in front of me, “Go to the world for your money.”  I remember leaving you behind declaring you “the biggest fool that ever lived.”  It certainly is true.  However, you succeeded at fooling so many other people.  I give you credit for that crap.

I hope everyone realizes I am telling the truth when I mention that Nicole Scherzinger told me she wanted your eyeballs as a talisman to wear around her neck on June 30, 2006.  If that is where your eyeballs are now, then so be it.  She seems to get what she wants, no matter what she does.  I would also like to mention, despite the incredible stress I was under at the time, and the bizarre nature of your funeral, that your casket seemed very light.  The pallbearers were very strong but perhaps your shape shifter head was removed and placed in a jar the way I said it should have been a few times since June 30, 2006.   That would certainly help me.   It would act as solid proof for the people of this planet and enable them to absorb the veracity of my statements.

I also would like you to know how horrified I am that you lied to me, knowing you would probably die soon, when we spoke in June of 2009.  I really should have stayed in New Mexico.   But I pitied you.  I have been punished severely for pitying you.  I suppose you fooled yourself about the state of this piece of shit property in Phoenix.  Some people might think that is funny.  Dealing with your incredibly stinky shape-shifter shit is too much for me to bear.  That's why I have chosen to opt out at this time.  We both knew Lee Smith would do what he did.  Only an asshole like you would try to convince people you are not responsible for putting all this crap together the way you did.

I am relieved you are gone and I don't miss you one damned bit.  I look forward to the time I decide what really happens to you for all the things you did, the things you ignored, and the lies you told.

There are so many people that remind me of you.  I would like to see all of them die soon, too.