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Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Why there is no wife of Christ

explained on December 12, 2009

I have very high standards. Not a single woman has come close to deserving me.

Women are great at excuses and they think it's all about money.  My wife would reject that notion completely.  Here is what my wife would be like (in theory because it will not happen in reality):

She would be willing to take a bullet for me.
She would understand she is still alive because I had averted an apocalypse.
She would understand how to treat the greatest of kings.
She would tend to my wounds because it is an honor to do so.  She would not give me more wounds.
She would know how to use "please" and "thank you."
She would never dream of having sex with another.
She would do anything for my comfort.  She would not allow me to go hungry or homeless.
She would do exactly as I tell her to do when I tell her to do it.
She would be able to recite Deuteronomy 18 to me from memory, understand it and live it.
She would not do anything to embarrass me, lest she die.
She would understand I was here for everyone and trust me when out of her sight.
She would never think of trying to make me jealous.
She would never tell me how to be the Messiah.

Too bad for you. Too bad you all had more than a decade to figure this out and never even got close.

BOTTOM LINE: GOD SENT ME HERE TO SAVE THE WORLD. I ONLY HAD TO DO THAT ONCE, BUT YOU GOT TWO OUT OF ME. 


HE DID NOT SEND ME TO BE NICOLE SCHERZINGER'S BABY SITTER.

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