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Friday, October 29, 2010

The Priest and Boy Jesus

posted on May 10, 2009

If you have not figured it out by now I was born Jewish, raised Jewish, and have always been Jewish.

When I was young, my parents would sometimes go away for a weekend.  There was a family that lived in the neighborhood I was born in that would babysit my sister and me.  They were Catholic.  They had a few kids around our age.  I remember staying with them a few times.  We ate together, played games (such as Charades) with each other, and bathed together.  My Mom used to tell me "we and the Catholics are closest together."  Jews and Catholics are the most alike.  We are both really big on guilt.

This family went to Mass regularly.  I never accepted Communion.  Would it make sense to "eat my own flesh and drink my own blood?"  I liked the church we went to and thought the people were okay.  One day, my Mom asked me if I wanted to go to a meeting.  The priest wanted to talk to me.  I must have been about six years old.

I remember it being in the early evening.  The priest is behind his desk and I am sitting in a chair against the opposite wall.  The priest tells me he believes I am Jesus and wants to know if I believe I am Jesus.  Besides many other clues I have the "Christ mole" on the right corner of my mouth.  I tell him my name is Benjamin, not Jesus.  He persists because his belief is that I am Jesus; he asks me if I would be willing to convert.  I tell him "If I am who you think I am, then I do not have to convert.  I would be in charge of your church."  I remember his expression changing, his head starting to bow, and having some difficulty looking at me.

I know it sounds weird but at that point I start to talking about how I would not eat the crackers and drink the wine if it represents my body and my flesh.  Why I would not bow down before images of Jesus if I am Jesus.  Catholics would have to make me their King at some point in the future, you know, once I was old enough to understand things better.  The priest seems to nod in agreement.

When I realize he has no more questions for me I ask him if I can leave and he lets me go.  I remember telling my Mom, perhaps a bit of a twisted grin on my face, "He thinks I'm Jesus."  I reassured her, "I told him I would not convert."

After that night, there were a few times people have asked me, "So when are you going to save us?"  As if I have an exact date in mind.  It would be easier if the entire world did exactly what I tell them to do.

Ironically, now that I have saved all of you TWICE, I have been scorned for doing so.  People only care about my things and my money.  All the promises have been broken.  I feel much more like destroying all of you now rather than saving you, truth be told.  You had ten years in between (1996 to 2006) to read all the changes in the Book of Daniel and more.  These were clues, to put it mildly.  Why do you think liberal Christians have been saying "God is still talking to us"?

Is that it?  "Thanks, Jesus."  You must be kidding!  Everything twice over, if not more.  It doesn't seem to me I am dividing up much spoil these days.  Obviously, I will have to consume you to get my reward.  God warned you of that when He changed the words that came out of Jacob's mouth in Genesis chapter 49, verse 27.

GET READY TO GET REAL.

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