Welcome to My Nightmare

This appeared on my old blog on May 2, 2008

In 2006, I made a joke about Jodie Foster, the Anti-Christ, making one last movie where she can "be like me, but better" one last time.  Remember, I had identified Jodie Foster as the Anti-Christ over 30 years ago!

It seems to me "The Brave One," even though I never saw it,  is actually more about Natalie Portman than me.  Tali, I believe your ambition made you what you hate.  I think of you now as Jodie Foster with a little bit of Nicole mixed in (sans breast implants).  Why should you get them?  Apparently you can grab Scarlett Johansen's.  Thank you for caring so much.  Perhaps you are trapped in the same Gilded Cage as Gwen Stefani.  And by the way John Mayer, thanks for the "cocksucker" comment in Rolling Stone.  You are so right.

Although so many people tell me they want to be like me, they are actually acting much more like Jodie Foster.  My hands and feet are my hands and feet.  All the "hands and feet" people better check themselves before they wreck themselves.  You need not reconcile the New Testament versions.  Eliminate the murderers, Hamans, and Devi's and God will spare you.  Stop making such a big deal out of whores as well.  How many times do you need to read Revelations to get that through your heads? I am only your "buddy" so you don't beat me up and force me to starve to death.  People of Earth!  I am alive in the United States but am considered "disabled."  Is that a sick joke, or what? I am beginning to believe the Iranians need me more than the US does.  That would be a strange twist, wouldn't it?  Let me behead Neelam Vashi there and I will consider it.  You can leave France off my itinerary.

Why do the Chinese try to demonize the Dalai Lama?  It seems strangely unnecessary.  He looks like a demon to me when I see pictures of him saying "I am not a demon."  You know, the same way Fukushima and Nicole look like succubi.  If I could send all of you back to Pussycat home-world (see Genesis Chap. 6 Verse 4) I would do it in an instant. 

I regret not taking that alien book in the first place.  Maybe that would have gotten secret-agent prostitute inside my door the first time instead of my upstairs neighbor's.  Or not.  It might have eliminated the guy who shot me point blank in the back and the ass off the streets for good instead of him lurking around for a decade.  No wonder 8 out of 10 Arabs do not trust the United States.  They must conclude the country of my birth considers me an unpaid stunt clown for movie and comic book makers.

Tell all the Nazi's in the world your Fuhrer has been dead a long time and the rest of you should be eliminated.  Unfortunately, Nazi's have the right to protest in the US.  How disgusting!  Somehow when I hear bizarre fringe groups get eliminated in other countries I am happy to hear about it.  In the United States, they get equal time and police protection.

Why are they so many weird British ladies in the world?  British ladies that believe in "Great Spirits," go to the Sudan and insult Muhammad, and travel to Iraq to save cats.  Are there too many rats in London?  Not enough in Iraq?  These ladies should come to the US so we can give them equal TV time with the Nazis.

The United States; where I can explain and predict miraculous changes to the Old Testament Scriptures, command God's Finger in the Sky, perform miracles, survive a visit to a booby trapped hotel room, people play Charades expecting me to jump into limos and get I evicted because we forgot to kill my sister and my Dad.  But all media coverage goes to people who are "box office" magic.  Or you are connected to O.J. Simpson in some way.

From Deuteronomy Chapter 19, beginning with verse 11:

"If, however, a man who is his neighbor's enemy lies in wait for him and sets upon him and strikes him a fatal blow and then flees to one of these towns, the elders of his town shall have him brought back from there and shall hand him over to the blood-avenger to be put to death; you must show him no pity.  Thus you will purge Israel of the blood of the innocent, and it will go well with you."

You think I am pissed, how do you think God feels?

Any reports on Betelgeuse?  And where is Kamil anyways?