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Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Hypothetical Cleansing of Jerusalem

Entered on June 1, 2008 in the first place

I stand just outside one of the gates of the Old City.  It is unbearably hot.  This is how I am dressed.  I am wearing a multi-colored Rastafarian wig held in place by my black Nike stocking cap and a sparkly version of the Crown of Thorns.  In one ear I have the cuff and in the other is a Bluetooth two-way communicator.  My face is covered in ash and henna.  I am wearing all my necklaces both glowing and not.  I have my lapis ring and all my bracelets and watches on.  On my torso is an Under Armor breathable tee.  I am also wearing camouflage pants, boxer briefs under the pants, and the loincloth bathing suit over the pants.  I also have a manta ray vest and many belts.  On top of all that is the green bathrobe and James Brown's "Godfather of Soul" cape on top of the robe.  On my feet are sweat socks and my favorite pair of Crocs.  I have the Oracle Shepherd staff in one hand and all books of Scripture slung over the other shoulder.  I would rather be wearing the expensive blue suit.

PA: We are almost ready.  Are you ready?

Me: Almost.  Let me commune with my Lord first.

After a very long pause . . .

God:  You look like a crazy clown.

Me: I know.  I am attempting to please everyone.

God: Do not tell me this is going to look good on camera.

Me:  I am told this will really look great in Blu Ray Standard.

PA: Gate One, all clear.

God: Where is Nicole?


God: I can't believe you just said that.

Me: Why did you have to bring her up now?

God: Thanks, Ben.

PA: Gate Two, all clear.

Me: Not funny at this time.

God: Why did you let them talk you into this?

PA (in communicator): We are running out of light.

Me (in communicator): I receive enough direction as it is!

PA (in communicator): Calm Down!  You are starting to sweat like a pig.

Me (in communicator): You are not helping!

God: Remember to breathe, Ben.

Me: (sighs) If we don't get this right, there's always tomorrow

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